Finding My Way

Have you experienced a personal version of Charles Dickens’ “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times?” A year ago, “Seeking Wisdom’s Light”, the Advent reflection guide that Pax Christi USA commissioned me to write was published and available for purchase. The project became an invitation for me to ponder Scripture and practice the prayer of imagination. It allowed me to explore and express my faith perspective in a manner that resonated with readers.

Conversely, I felt as though lost and floundering in the unknown of my circumstances. My hasty decision to accept the first job offer after Mama’s passing and moving to Maryland could have had a better outcome. It did not. The employer and I parted ways. As unemployment benefits dwindled, freelance writing, speaking opportunities and generous friends were lifelines. Even as my confidence faded, I expected a full-time offer to be on the horizon. It was not. The disappointments weighed heavily on me.

Previously when I hit a rough patch, my parents would say, “You can always come home.” Even though they both have passed, it was time for me to accept their offer. It was the obvious decision. It was the only decision. In early December, I journaled that I needed to inform my siblings.

My goal was to pack the car, empty the apartment and leave by the end of January. I said my farewells and made plans for the final week of the month. To my surprise, the week began with my being sick. Confined to bed for a week, it would take even longer to be strong enough for the 14 hour drive. Even with my plans disrupted, I met some amazing neighbors in my final weeks there.

I arrived home in early March with the intention of being here no more than six months. It took me three months to realize my unprocessed grief and the need for healing. Through all of this, one friend constantly reminded me, “You will find your way.” Although I did not know how, a small part of me believed her.

Almost nine months after returning home, I have found my way. No, I do not have all of the answers but I am on my feet again and will continue writing Leslye’s Labyrinth in 2026. Other ideas are forming and I will share them in the future. As we prepare to enter Advent, I am grateful for the light shining in my own darkness, and for the ability to see it.